Grief + The Unexpected Ways it Shows Up

Grief is sneaky. It doesn’t just appear when you’re sitting alone, thinking about your loss. It shows up in small, unexpected ways that catch you off guard. Those moments can feel overwhelming, but knowing what to expect can help you navigate them.

When my husband passed away in 2017 -- I expected the sadness, the tears, and the heartache. What I didn’t expect was how grief would weave itself into the fabric of my daily life, nor the pain of the grief. It wasn’t just about missing him on anniversaries or special occasions. Grief was everywhere, and all the time. And it sucked.

Here are some unexpected ways grief might show up in your life:

1. Everyday Routines Feel Different

Eric was gone much of the day because he was a football coach - but we constantly texted. They were short texts. About schedules. The girls. His status of how long it'd be until he got home. If he could swing by and pick something up from the grocery store on his way home. When I didn't have him to text anymore it was a realization that I had no one that was just for me - my teammate in the house and in life -  it felt like a small but excruciating painful reminder that he was dead.

Regardless of his work schedule, he always came home every night and we'd be in bed together. But the routine of having his body share the bed with me was off too without him there.

Your routines might feel off, too. Driving the same route you always took together or grocery shopping for one instead of two can feel like emotional landmines. Getting out 3 plates for dinner instead of 4, it hurts! I get it.

2. Objects Hold Powerful Memories

Grief has a way of attaching itself to objects. A shirt, a piece of jewelry, or even a certain writing pen can bring back a flood of memories. One day, I found my husband's package of tabacco (he chewed) in a jacket pocket. That old and rolled up package broke me. Of course I smelled it - it hadn't held it's scent, but I was hopeful. But it was a reminder of him, his presence in the home and in our life. And now it was also a reminder of his absence and death. Ugh.

These objects are bittersweet. They remind you of what you had, but also of what you’ve lost.

3. Music Hits Hard

A song on the radio can transport you back in time. Eric had electic music tastes - it was difficult for me to listen to any sorts of music. Except for hard rock - he didn't care much for it. It was angry and I was angry in my grief - so I found unexpected comfort in it. Ha.

Music is powerful and can unlock emotions you didn’t know you were holding in.

Though I can listen so all of the music now - and listen with a smile as I recall the memories of our life together - that's how healing can help!

4. Grief Shows Up in Your Body

Grief isn’t just emotional; it’s physical. After my loss, I was exhausted. My chest felt heavy, like a weight I couldn’t lift. The stress of it made me lose weight, sleep but never feel rested, and I even lost hair in my stress! So much so that my stylist was worried and put me on Rogaine for Women. (FYI, it didn't work, nor did Monat... it was just the grief!)

Your organs take a beating from the grief - so it's important to slow down and rest!

Listen to your body. Rest when you need to. Grief takes a toll in ways you might not expect.

5. Random Triggers Catch You Off Guard

Grief doesn’t follow a schedule. You might feel fine one moment and then be overwhelmed the next. Once, I was walking through Hobby Lobby when I spotted something football. I froze. It was a small thing, but it reminded me of him - and how in another life I may have bought it. Now I didn't even know if I liked football. Would I ever buy anything football again? How was this my life now? And then I spiraled - right there in the aisle of Hobby Lobby.

Triggers can come out of nowhere—a smell, a sound, or even a passing comment. It’s okay to let those emotions come. They’re part of the process.

6. Joy Feels Complicated

After loss, even happy moments can feel heavy. I remember laughing at a joke and then immediately feeling guilty. How could I laugh when Eric was dead? This is normal. Grief and joy can coexist, even if it feels strange at first.

What Can You Do When Grief Sneaks Up on You?

When these unexpected moments happen, give yourself grace. You don’t have to be strong all the time. Here are a few things that helped me:

• Breathe: Pause and take a deep breath. Exhale longer than what you inhale for. Ground yourself in the present moment.

• Journal: Write down what you’re feeling. Getting the emotions out on paper helps. Handwriting is always preferred.

• Talk to Someone: Whether it’s a trusted friend, family member, or grief coach, sharing your feelings unfilteredly can lighten your emotional load. 
  
  

You’re Not Alone

Grief is messy, unpredictable, and deeply personal. But you don’t have to navigate it alone. And you don't have to grieve forever.

If you’re ready to work through your grief, I’m here to help. Let’s do the Heartwork together. You can learn more on my website at karidriskell.com.