I WAS SO FUCKING SAD when my husband died.
My HOME was sad.
My kids didn't want to be around me because I was so sad, but I was all they had.
We forced smiles, showed up at all the things, and did our best... which wasn't much, honestly.
BEFORE : a bit toxic positivity and a lot of the "everything happens for a reason" bullshit.
DEEP GRIEF : despair. so fucking sad. sleeping. and unable to do the normal activities. nothing, absolutely NOTHING could have prepared me for this. and nothing works or helps my heart long-term.
ANGER : i'm productive, but i'm not myself. i'm bitter and embracing that.
TIRED : tired of crying. tired of grieving. tired of doing it all by myself. tired of being so damn sad all the time. deciding that this is just now my life... always sad because of deep regrets i'll have to carry to my grave.
HEALING : doing HEARTWORK. feeling better, more normal, active, productive, happier.
HAPPY & HEALED : the joy outweighs the sadness. freedom from the grief. in control of my emotions. able to think logically again and using life-coaching strategies. everything and everyone around me notices that i have a sense of aliveness again. it feels so fucking good.